it's funny how things became so complicated. i was just a friend, much like he was to me. but things change. everything started with a joke and this time, ironically, i can't joke around anymore. i thought i was extraordinary 'coz i usually try things out even how dangerous it could get. but now here i am, so helpless...i couldn't even make a single choice, take a step and be brave enough to decide.
love is a decision, once done, is something you stand up for and fight for--no matter what. but the mind cannot decide what the heart should feel. i could'nt even justify the things i take as "major considerations" and give reason to my upgraded self-torture. maybe i'm just so cynical-so stupid that i couldn't even keep up with my own insanity. i'd like to wait for my time to come up with something i'm sure i'm confident of and make up my mind because definitely, forever isn't mine. i know i'm smart and dumb at the same time and maybe i'm not so wise when it comes to matters of the heart, but i don't recall knowing that there are hard and fast rules when it comes to loving. if there are, then i could learn the rules...then break some. well, they say " the heart is the seat of intelligence". at least i could hold on to that in case i'd get wrong.
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