i'm still not with myself today. i should have watched a movie but i'm pretty much sure i can never get him out of my head just like that. i wake up late so there isn't much time to think about him, i play puzzle bobble the whole day, and i keep my phone out of reach. i haven't even gone to the city since the deadline. not the usual stuff i do.
i went to mass with a friend. he noticed my being silent-over the phone this morning, in the church during the mass, at my place when he dropped by, and outside our gate when he was just about to leave. i knew i didn't look ok because being silent is not being me. he hugged me and assured me i'll be fine 'coz he's there. but all i could say was "i'm sorry". i could no longer hold back the tears. i couldn't anymore hide that i was hurting inside. i looked at him and saw in his eyes how he was hurting too. i saw the pain i brought him when i said i was sorry because all that i could think was how it felt when i was wrapped inside the arms of the man i've been with at the tower, the man i never imagined i'd fall. yet he stayed with me eventhough he knows my mind was not with him. he had lost me once for choosing to be with what he called " wrong girl" and now that he has finally made himself free, he could no longer possibly have me.
i'm alone inside my boat now. islands already surround me. some of which are familiar, some i used to call home. but now that all i have to do is choose among them, i refuse to come close. instead, i looked around and searched for the one who rowed the boat for me. he's there, a little afar. now i have two choices-to follow him or to just choose an island to dock.
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